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pigs and a wolf were discovered dead yesterday, in an area outside
the deep, dark woods. The events have seriously divided the
local community.
Police
are still trying to piece together the events, but initial
reports point to a gruesome tale. Two of the victims, the
pigs, may have been killed and eaten by the Big Bad Wolf.
The wolf appears to have been killed in a revenge attack by
the brother of the two pigs.
Local
citizens stated that the three pigs were relatively new to
the community and had only just completed construction of
their new homes. This, one local said, may have been a direct
cause of the death of all of the victims.
"Those
foolish pigs," said Mother Goose, a neighbour. "One
had built his house of straw and the other of sticks. We tried
to warn them, but they wouldn't listen. And we were right.
All it took was one huff, and one puff, and down the straw
house went."
At
that point, she indicated, the wolf gobbled up the resident
pig in one gulp. He then moved on to the second pig's house,
which was made of sticks. The second pig was also consumed.
The wolf then proceeded to the third pig's house, and attempted
to blow it down. As it was solidly built of brick, he failed.
Apparently frustrated, he tried going down the chimney.
The
story becomes confused at this point. The third pig has told
police that he had lit a fire in his fireplace, which killed
the wolf when he fell. There is some doubt as to this version
of the story.
"It's
impossible that Big Bad Wolf would be so stupid," the
Wicked Witch said. "How could he have missed the smoke
coming out of the chimney? No, I think there's more to this
story than that pig is telling."
When
asked why he was attempting to break into the house in the
first place, she said that the wolf was only following his
carnivorous instincts - which should be lawful. Others, such
as Little Red Riding Hood, disagreed. She argued that the
Big Bad Wolf had a history of unprovoked violence, and deserved
what he got.
Police
are waiting for the results of an autopsy on the wolf and
an analysis of the surviving pig's stomach contents before
releasing more details.
"Pigs
are omnivorous, you know," Wicked Witch said. "They'll
eat anything. Even their own brothers."
©
2001, Ian Bron
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